I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
