Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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