apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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