why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
