apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
