oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
