Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
