Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
