so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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