I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
