i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
this boner is exhausting
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
