Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
