it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
