life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
