I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We have so much sex to catch up on
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize