Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
