the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
