Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
