I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
