I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
