An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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