Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
