Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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