i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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