hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
