belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
