He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
