He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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