you didnt know i had herpes?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
