Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
