Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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