Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
