theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
