I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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