I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
