It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
