The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
