Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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