Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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