hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry about my life...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
