True but thats because hes a fetus.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
