At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
