If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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