I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
