She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The uberlube is also flammable
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize