Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
