I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
