the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
