he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
