I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
