it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
