out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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