My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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