He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
