I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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