I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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