You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
