I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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