so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
