I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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