he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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