farters have to be the big spoon...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize