ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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