If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
