So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
