Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
