and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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