yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
