Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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