just tell him i said nine months
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
