Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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