you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sober January is a disaster.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
