What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
