I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
