It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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