I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
