Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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