I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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