i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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