so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize