i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
