I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
