am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
