Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
