??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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