There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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