is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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