a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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