Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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