She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
