Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
