Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
