"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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