i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
