I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
