My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
where are my eyebrows?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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