Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
