There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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