Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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