You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize