I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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