ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
