Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
